IRON(DAD) A Midlife Crisis in 140.6 Miles
by Darren Gibbons (Author), Alan Adye-Rowe (Author)
It started with bin liners. It ended with a medal and a limp.
Ian Dawson wasn’t planning to change his life. He just wanted to order bin liners. But one accidental click later, he’s signed up for Ironman Wales — a full-distance triathlon involving a sea swim, a savage bike ride, and a marathon at the end. Lovely.
He’s not ready. Not even close. His last sprint was for a rogue sock, his idea of fuelling is pub crisps.
With a judgmentaldog, a spreadsheet for emotional support, and friends who find the whole thing hilarious, Ian dives headfirst into a world of Lycra, early mornings, suspicious nutrition, and YouTube-induced panic.
What could possibly go wrong?
Ian Dawson is a car mechanic. A man of spanners, oil stains, and a physique better suited to reclining than racing. He logged onto the internet to buy bin bags — a humble, domestic errand — but fell victim to that most sinister of digital forces: targeted advertising. Mere moments later, thanks to one algorithm’s deeply misguided belief in his potential, Ian had accidentally entered an Ironman triathlon.
This, tragically, is not science fiction. It is the all-too-true story of one man’s spectacularly ill-advised journey from garage to glory — via shin splints, elasticated shamewear, and public defibrillation drills. What follows is a comedy of errors involving wetsuits that defy exit, bicycles with the temperament of livestock, and running shoes that squeak like distressed rodents.
Yet Ian does not suffer alone. His wife endures his protein-fuelled delusions with the weary gaze of a woman married to a man who once superglued his hand to a carburettor. His children contemplate emancipation. His friends and colleagues cheer him on in the same way one might cheer on a slow-moving car fire. And the local community is treated to the regular spectacle of Ian “training” — a term here meaning “sweating aggressively near traffic.”
Iron (Dad) is a triumph of wit, ridiculousness, and Lycra-induced tragedy — a deeply sophisticated farce about middle-aged mayhem, algorithmic betrayal, and the consequences of giving a grown man both broadband and a credit card.
Buy it now. Before Google recommends you do something equally idiotic.